Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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