yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
