You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
