Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
