had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
