The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
