Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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