you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
