Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
