Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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