I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
