Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
