I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Randomize
