Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
