I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
