The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
