Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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