im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Randomize
