Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
