she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
