I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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