It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
