Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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