I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
