new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
