3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
