im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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