Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
