if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Randomize
