I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
