she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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