so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
