Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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