he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
