this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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