An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Randomize
