totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
