No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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