hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Alive.
So much puke
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
