I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
