all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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