Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
