that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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