Someone shit on the floor
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
