please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
