that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
