I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
