And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
