Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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