Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
