Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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